i keep waking up around 7/8 in the morning god im tired and i work at 3 to 1030 today,

last night i filled out an application to target i messed up on availability because i donno what times to put, if they pay me good i cant give them what ever time and will stay there if its low then i would only stay for seasonal so it depends on their pay.

what eve

INSTRUCTIONS:
delete these ten statements,
and write your own ten statements,
intended to different people.
never tell which one is to who
things you've always wanted to tell people

1. i like you. but you piss me off. often its always about you. u dont ask about my life but talk aobut ur obsessions. often u make excuses instea of telling it like it is. You say how wrong friends do to you but ur not perfect either. i often wonder why ur my friend and if u truly are. i often feel u only come to me for one thing or another mostly when u want something.

2 i love u to death but i feel that ur wasting ur life. your smart but ur not happy. and becuase ur not happy u move from person to place to different lives. but who are you. and whats the reason you do so. i can talk to u about anything and no one understands me as much as u. people often question why we are friends but i cant explain it. i like the person u are when its just u and me. no fake smiles no goofy jokes. i miss u.

3 sometimes i cant talk to u. sometimes ur too judgmental and u dont notice. ur strongminded but often dont notice how much u push ur view on others. Often when u do so i want to get away from u. i get shorttempered and lash often go quite. i was scared for u and worried but i didnt show it. sometimes as much as u can be narrowminded u can be a great listener and often only do i see that. im often questioned how i can stand being ur friend but i see a side they dont.

4 i love you. but sometimes i question our relationship. sometimes words do hurt and u dont notice. sometimes i want to punch u in the face. i hate how u push me towards things i feel i dont want to do or make me feel obligated to do something for u. other times when i see u for u i love u to death. ur passion and holdsom comes out and many people only see us argue. i often wonder why u cant just be the person i feel for. sometimes u scare me and i think ull hurt me. i took alot of abuse growing up from school mates and from my parents... i dont think u see that.

5 i love u. and we been friends sicne little. but soemtimes i cant stand u. ur a great person i dont get why u turn to liquer. you wonder why ur alone but u cant have someone respect u if u dont respect urself. sometimes i wish ud grow balls and tell ur friends what u think of them instead of saying it behind their backs.even aobut me.

6 u annoy me. u want me to talk i talk then u dont say shyt.u put people on the spot but just walk away when u go on the spot. sometimes i wish i could just tell u whats on my mind but sometimes u walk around with a smirk that pisses me off i dont say a thing.

has been good. no real problems. im just always tired and i dont kno why. i always want to eat and i donno why.
i need to alwayss pee too. who knows.

i havent been getting many hours at work and school hasnt really been on my mind. i need a break which is funny cuz im on spring break but i still feel stressed.
im just ... tired lol

schoolas done i did terrable an a and two cs i dont kno my last grade yet.
im sick as a dog my tummy hurt my head hurts have a stuffy nose throught hurts, i slept all yesterday,
sigh..
sabby

im scared and thats something hard to admit but im scared for micheal. and no one understands it most of all him. i have a dad and a mom i watch in sick but i se my dad cuts and bruses on his arm pain here pain there. i cant grow old with a man and watch the same thing occur. i hate mikes job. the money is the only thing good.but even that has its limits its not stable. and hes always hurt and tired. hes only 19 and doesnt understand.
i cant watch someone die waste away again. i want him at age 30 be able to toss a ball with his son if we ever get to that point.i love him that much.
no one understands how many night i dream of the people i love and how i pray for them. to be ok to be there and know god know how much i love them.
everyone sees me as angry and irratated and never happy. but they dont know how much i love them how much id do anything to take their pain. tammy doesnt know how i still have dreams of saving her from her mom when she used to get abused as a child we were only 9.
or how i think about the day steph called me on my birthday telling me she was going to the hospital and just wanting to do anything i could to make sure i could help her wehter with calling her there or getting her work from classes and taking her notes.
how i still wonder if steph c is bulimic and pray that she knows how beautifull and wonderfulll she is to ever think shes not good enough.
or for shawn to kno he means more than he knows. to me to mike.
i dream and pray for my brother jave. remembering everything we been threw he was the one who i talked to aobut killing myself took me to places he went to the day he found out his best friend killed himself he never liked talking about it.

i cant help but worry. i cant help but care. i hate feeling helpless and i haten ot being able to tell them how much i care ubt i hope that before that day comes htey know just how much i do.
i think thats what i fear the most ... i would question the most is if they knew it.

well now that i poured that out.
i got a 7 am meeting. im tired and cant stop crying,.
its almost 12
goodnight.

well me and mikey are great 4 months. schools in 2 dayz and i cant sleep. i got work at 10 so i should sleep but i cant im wired. i hang wit ha different sorta croud different friends and the people i thought wouldnt leave have. i mean ill always have tammy and steph but i mean i never thought i loose katie or ect. other people like dencel i dont talk to joe and when i did it was simply put akward how ever u spell it. i mean its great the people i hang with but its different. im mad tired funny i typed a bit and i start yawning.
i guess ill go,
bye bye
ally aka sabby

well im graudating to day. man is it nerve racking. mike met my parents yesterday things are going great. we had our cook out and karoke yesterday i suck at singing ubt i did it anyways with katie lol shes terrable but i love her. shes going off to college im staying here but i dont mind too much lol i m going to try really hard at school. and at work. im soo tired yet i cant sleep. tonight after graduation we are going to watch the olmen YAY!
lol anyhow im off

i had sex with mike. yea had to take the pill so i dont get pregnant and im not talking about birth control. plan b its called. what ever.
i got robbed also my car in front of my house they stoll my lisence my purse my social security my camera my ipod my money my debt EVERYTHING even my rollar blades and cds
proms this friday.... still need to get everything.
man im not at school fixed my lience im getting it in the mail in a few days/weeks.
mom made me a new account.
ummm still need social and a sterio and ect..... sigh

brother graduated work 13 hours this weekend

well i was being hit on by 2 guys and smelled by 3. i was told when i talk intellegently i sound very sexy and that i wear pantene pro v conditioning along with someone saying he liked me and that he get to kn me better but first ne needs to kno how i kiss. wow interesting night right? ho aobut beingi n a room of darkenss and everyone making out piss ass drunk and ur still solber but someone on a guy whos giving u alchol lol
it was fun really just the highlights we played pol randomly danced and snuggled fun times

WOULD YOU...
[_] go out with me?
[_] give me your number?
[_] kiss me?
[_] let me kiss you?
[_] watch a movie with me?
[_] take a shower with me?
[_] be my bf/gf?
[_] have sex with me?
[_] get drunk together?
[_] take me home for the night?
[_] Would you let me sleep in your bed?
[_] Sing car karaoke w/ me?
[_] Lock me in your room and take advantage of me?
[_] dance with me?
[_] tickle me to death?
[_] let me tickle you?
[_] stick up for me if i was being put down?
[_] go skinny dipping with me?
[_] play strip poker with me?
[_] say yes if i asked you out?
[_] let me wear your pants?
[_] give me a hug?
[_] instant message me?
[_] greet me in public?
[_] hang out with me?
[_] bring me around your friends?

D0 Y0U...
[_] think im cute?
[_] think im hot?
[_] want to kiss me?
[_] want to cuddle wit me?
[_] want to hook up with me?

ARE WE...
[_] aquintences?
[_] friends?
[_] in a relationship?
[_] gonna have kids?

HAVE Y0U EVER..
[_] thought about me?
[_] thought there might be an "us"?
[_] thought about hookin up with me?
[_] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
[_] wished i were there?
[_] grabbed me?
[_] had a crush on me?
[_] idolized me?
[_] wanted my number?
[_] had a dream about me?
[_] been distracted by me?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
- I came to you in the middle of the night:
- I kissed you:
- I moved next door to you:
- I started a bad habit:
- I gave you my heart:
- I was hospitalized:
- I took a bullet for you:
- I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WOULD YOU:
- Be my friend?:
- Keep a secret if I told you one?:
- Hold my hand?:
- Keep in touch?:
- Try and solve my problems?:
- Love me?:
- Date me?:

AND:
- Who are you?:
- When and how did we meet?:
- Describe me in one word..:
- What was your first thought of me?:
- Do you still have those thoughts about me?:
- What reminds you of me?:
- If you could give me anything, what would it be?:
- How would you tell me if you liked me?:
- When's the last time you saw me?:
- Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?: